Cooper’s Review

by D. E. Fredd

On August 24th of the current year I, Rhonda Michaud, Human Resources Director, and Carol Ann Schroeder, the Accounting Supervisor, met with Dennis Cooper to discuss his Quarterly Performance Review. The review, Form HR 221A, plus my notes of the conversations and behavioral observations are appended to this document.

Let me say at the outset that Mr. Cooper has worked for AbDex for three years in Accounts Payable. His past Performance Reviews have addressed the need for improvement in many areas, and the primary focus of this meeting was to establish whether any progress had been made, and, if not, to recommend another course of action, termination of employment being one.

Our meeting began at 9:00 AM with Mr. Cooper being unusually prompt. That being the case we discussed “Time Utilization” which is the first section of the Performance Review. Carol Ann noted that in her last report, Mr. Cooper was warned about being on time both to start the day and returning from lunch. She admitted that Mr. Cooper had made some attempts, but that he was now in the habit of bring breakfast to his work station, consuming it and then taking the newspaper into the men’s room to the degree that his work day rarely began before ten. Lunch followed the same pattern wherein he would leave the office for an hour and then return with a meal, eat and read until 1:30 PM.

Fellow employees were disturbed by this action due to the smell and general mess created by the food being consumed.

Dennis Cooper explained that he was not aware of anything in the department’s manual relating to eating at one’s desk. He is on the job at nine ready to reconcile his accounts and answer the phones. He often works at his terminal during breaks as well. He shared with us that he has an irritable bowel and must attend to his bodily function at a regular schedule. He has experienced hemorrhoids on and off during his life time and must not force his movements. Doctor’s notes could be provided. If requested he would retrain his large intestine to the company’s schedule, but he would prefer not to. If we decided to dock his pay for being in the stall too long, that’s a legal bridge he’d be willing to cross if things came to a head.

As for lunch, being a Type II diabetic, it is necessary that he eat slowly and at frequent intervals. His lunch period is often devoted to meditation before his meals. Medical practitioners suggested that stress was the cause of his bowel situation so they encouraged meditation followed by a slow intake of food chewed very well. He was sorry for any bother to his cubicle mates and would switch to a lunch menu free of onions or other less offensive sandwich toppings.

We moved on to the “Quality of Work” section. Carol Ann stated that Mr. Cooper’s last review concluded that he was below the minimum standards for his position and there has been little improvement. He has a tendency to let work pile up and then dispatch it in frenzied haste, which causes many errors. Invoices are entered in the wrong account or category code. The dollar amount of the invoices he posts are often suspect and common sense seems to be lacking. She used the example of copier paper being listed at thirty cents a ream rather than three dollars, an error she caught in the blink of an eye. His work must constantly be gone over by her or others in the department.

Mr. Cooper spoke of the pressure he is under. He is well aware of his poor reviews and at times he is so afraid of making an error that it is difficult for him to get started. In an effort to bring spiritual meaning into his life he has accepted Christ as his personal savior. Therefore he prays for several minutes before he begins his work. The invoking of a higher power gives him a sense that he is not alone as he sits at his keyboard.

He further stated that his morale suffers because errors will be met with Ms. Schroeder’s wrath. He cited as an example that on July 21 of this year he was called upon the carpet for a serious error which he admitted to making. After a tongue lashing in front of co-workers, he, in a spirit of forgiveness, tried to hug his tormenter. After having this overture rejected, he then professed that “Jesus loves us all and we, being human, make mistakes,” but that Carol Ann never sees the times his work is faultless; instead, she only notes the negatives. He feels there might be a personality conflict for some past events which he would care not to mention and that, if he were to be supervised by someone else, his work and constant nervous state might improve.

The next area of concern was that of being part of the company. It was noted both by me and by Ms. Schroeder that Mr. Cooper has yet to attend a department meeting or company function, either inside the office or out, as well as show his support for the many charitable events AbDex sponsors, which is in keeping with our motto, “We Are Community.” This included last week’s Walk for Betty, a long time employee who was stricken with stomach cancer last July.

Mr. Cooper explained that he is a shy individual by nature and knows full well how Ms. Schroeder has poisoned the rest of the staff against him. He related that he feels uncomfortable at any function because of what people might be thinking. He felt sorry for Betty Hamlin and would have made a donation but wasn’t aware of the appropriate amount. If he put too much in the canister then he would be accused of showing up the staff. If it were too little, he would be labeled a cheapskate. He vowed to begin his day tomorrow with a special prayer for not only Betty but all cancer victims. He then pulled out his checkbook and began writing a five hundred dollar check which Ms. Schroeder and I asked him to refrain from doing.

Mr. Cooper subsequently removed an intricately carved wooden cross from his suit jacket and held it over his heart. He begged for another chance. He explained that he had a vision last night concerning this very meeting. In it his cubicle was cleaned out of all personal belongings. When he protested, again in a dream-like state, he was Tasered, and left writhing on the office floor for all to see. There followed an involuntary loss of bladder control, a soiling of himself to the degree that, when he awoke from this nightmare, he had actually wet the bed for the first time in many, many years. Tears and noticeable tremors accompanied this tale.

Ms. Schroeder and I paused while Mr. Cooper tried to compose himself. When it became apparent that Mr. Cooper’s emotional state was not improving to the degree that rational dialogue could continue, the interview was terminated with the recommendation that Mr. Cooper’s connection with our company be severed two weeks from this date. It was further recommended that vacation and sick leave be taken during that time, and Mr. Cooper’s interaction with any company records or accounts be forbidden. An attempt was made to have him sign the severance agreement, but he had curled into a ball, and gripped the legs of my desk from which no amount of tugging could budge.

Maintenance was called. Mr. Harry Crawford and Pete Flanagan removed Mr. Cooper from the desk and floor, secured him to a hand dolly and escorted him from the building to a waiting cab. Video surveillance cameras will document that no unnecessary force was used and that all procedures and policies were followed.

Respectfully,

Rhonda Michaud

________________________________________________________________________________________________D. D. E. Fredd lives in Townsend, Massachusetts. He has had fiction, poetry and essays published in several journals and reviews. He received the Theodore Hoepfner Award given by the Southern Humanities Review for the best short fiction of 2005, was a 2006 Ontario Award Finalist and recently received a 2007 Pushcart Special Mention Award. A novel, Exiled to Moab, will debut in 2008.